The Wounded-Self and Celebrated-Self

With which self are you navigating your world?

Introduction

Two distinct and powerful emotional identities have emerged in society over the past 60 years. Both individuals and groups have internalised them, becoming unconsciously attached to either the Wounded-Self (WS) or the Celebrated-Self (CS). These two ‘selves’ are not fixed positions and clearly, there is a spectrum. Some people and groups cross the boundaries between them with ease, depending on the context and situation they are in, yet many get stuck in one place or the other. In my experience as an executive coach, therapist, and organisational consultant, I have observed how individuals and groups become polarised and follow groups, narratives, people, and the media that align with their ‘chosen’ position.

Below I summarise the Wounded-Self and Celebrated-Self identities before describing how therapy culture emerged to open the path for the WS and CS to become dominant identities. I then briefly reflect on how these identities impact society before concluding.

The Wounded-Self

Those who identify with the Wounded-Self frame the external world as a persecutory or dangerous place. Individuals and groups tend to look for problems and unconsciously see the shadow side of human relations, and veer towards pessimism. They often take up a victim identity, which can be mild or extreme, framing their past and present as a series of wounds they are working to heal or simply to find acceptance and integrate into their lives. When excessive, the Wounded-Self position is debilitating and entraps individuals and groups in a mindset that limits their capacity to enjoy life or engage in a process that leads to change.

However, being able to access the Wounded-Self position is vitally important as it enables us to tap into our pain and sadness, and to empathise with others. A good therapist or coach will be able to contain the sadness, grief, hurt, or trauma a client brings, and this is only possible if the coach/therapist has been able to face and experience their own pain. The therapist or coach’s skill is to be able to visit the WS without entrapping the client in a victim life script. Having access to our own Wounded-Self can enable us to identify with others and put our empathy to work to drive positive change e.g. to set up charities for suffering others, campaign for refugees, or face up to the reality of the climate crisis and engage to mitigate it. The illustration below sets out the core aspects of the Wounded Self

The Celebrated-Self (CS)

The Celebrated-Self identifies with personal empowerment and frames the external world as filled with opportunity and abundance. The CS individual is sovereign, believing we make our own happiness and can fulfil any dream if we are passionate enough.